Posts Tagged ‘happy’
Live a little
One of the reasons I love this quote by Oscar Wilde is that it reminds us to be present and live in the moment. Too often those of us with a dieter’s mentality “punish” ourselves by thinking we don’t deserve to live life to its fullest potential even before we reach our goal weight. And yes, living life out loud (AKA being happy, doing what you want to do and even eating what you want to eat) can actually bring us closer to our goal weight than denial can.
And yes, you read “eating what you want to eat” correctly. The trick is to not eat too much of it. And before you poo-poo this idea, why not try it out at least once or twice? Sometime this weekend, you can walk into your favorite ice cream shoppe and order one single scoop of your favorite flavor. Do it with a friend or two. Then eat it slowly, one scrumptious bite at a time. You can even lick the cup it comes in (I won’t tell). Then, don’t have ice cream for the rest of the weekend. See what you did there? You ate something decadent without hurting your psyche, without harming your body and without deterring your overall goals of reaching a lighter, healthier weight. You can have what you’re craving as long as you have it in smaller portion sizes.
Similarly, you can try online dating, you can take a class that might lead to a new career, you can audition for community theatre or even buy a new favorite outfit. So what if the outfit comes in a size that will require you to donate or sell it in the near future? This moment is all we (you!) have. So why not live it to its full potential?
You are perfect now. You are beautiful now. You are amazing and your life is full of possibilities now. This doesn’t have to mean you don’t eat healthfully, exercise often, drink plenty of water and get enough rest to help your body reach your goal weight. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t live life in the interim either.
So read the quote above as often as you need to. Download the meme and save it as your “lock screen wallpaper” on your phone. Remind yourself as often as you need to that you don’t deserve to be punished and don’t have to put off anything you’re dreaming of just because you’re carrying around a few extra pounds.
Live. Laugh. Love. And enjoy that single scoop of ice cream (or whatever) every now and then. You deserve it.
Photo Source: Pinterest
Guest Blog: The struggle is real… But why?
By Lisa Goldberg, Licensed Clinical Nutritionist
Why do you think sustainable weight loss eludes you? You’re smart, savvy and you know what healthy is and what it’s not. You’ve probably read a million books and articles on eating healthy for weight loss. You have all of the information. So how is it you know what to do but you just can’t do it??
Your struggle with weight just drains you. You wrack your brain wondering why the weight just won’t come off no matter what you do. You have tried every trick in the book. You lose weight but over time the weight slowly comes back on. Or maybe for you it quickly comes back.
What do you think that’s all about? Lack of motivation? Lack of willpower? Laziness?
I want to let you know its not any of those things. It’s about your self-defeating behaviors.
What exactly are self-defeating behaviors? Actions or attitudes stemming from faulty or limited beliefs that once worked to help us cope with hurtful experiences, but now they prevent us from responding to life in healthy ways.
These behaviors lead us to make choices in all aspects of our life, health, work, relationships etc that perpetuate cycles of failure. Samples of this include: My metabolism is broken so why should I try? Nothing works for me. I am destined to be overweight. No matter what I do the weight will come back. I’m afraid to fail again… Do any of these sound Familiar?
It is your self-defeating behaviors and faulty beliefs that keep you stuck in your struggle with food, weight loss, relationships and anything else you haven’t been able to sustainably change in your life.
This is why the weight always comes back. Because all you’ve done is focus on changing the food. You’ve haven’t yet addressed the “Why.”
You can continue to try every diet on the planet but unless you change what you believe about yourself and the behaviors that follow…the weight will always come back.
Close your eyes for a few seconds and imagine what it would feel like to continuously replace self-defeating behaviors with life-enhancing behaviors. You continuously make choices that make you feel good, happy and proud. Imagine how that would feel? Pretty darn good, right? Well, I want to let you know this is possible.
I want to let you know that by learning the right tools and strategies you can change your self-defeating behaviors to new, habitual life-enhancing behaviors so you can overcome your struggle with food and lose the weight for good.
After all, you know its never really about the food. It’s about changing the habits, behaviors and your old coping mechanism that causes you to eat to soothe your feelings with food. If you are done with the quick fixes and you are ready to address the root cause of your yo-yo dieting, don’t wait any longer to set up a call with me to see how I can support you.
Don’t let fear of change, fear of failure, indecision or caring what other people think stop you. Life is just too short to stay stuck in old patterns that no longer serve you. Over the last 16 years I have had hundreds of clients put their trust in me to help them change the behaviors that keep them stuck in their struggle with food and desirable weight loss. Here are some of their discoveries and Ah-ha moments:
“Thanks to you for the large part, I have not been bingeing even through all this! I haven’t lost anymore but I haven’t gained either. I already knew everything you taught me however you say it in a magical way that I truly get it!”
“I am a totally different in terms of how I eat and how I think about food. All the techniques we have discussed were extremely helpful in getting me to this point which I call “autopilot.” I have started focusing less on restricting my intake and more on eating healthy foods”
“Posting a few wins that happened this week. I received a few compliments that I have really “slimmed down” and it shows in my clothes. I think by not letting the number on the scale stress me out and dictate my mood for the day – I have been able lose more inches.”
“I’m really understanding now when you said it’s just food – it has NO magical powers. It might make me feel good for a few seconds but that is nothing compared to how long the great feeling for losing weight and being healthy lasts. I’m going to remember that at difficult or stressful times and in the heat of the moment when my mind thinks of nothing but food and I start reaching for the food that I think will “solve” my unpleasant feeling.”
Take the first step at this very moment to start to change your self-defeating behaviors and stop saying “What if I can’t?” and start saying “Yes, I can!”
About the Guest Blogger:
Lisa Goldberg is a nutritionist with a Masters degree in Clinical Nutrition from New York University. In addition, her certifications and Licenses include: Certified Nutrition Specialist, Certified Dietician/Nutritionist licensed by New York State, Certified in Adult Weight Management by the ADA. Lisa is also a personal trainer certified by the American Counsel on Exercise since 1994. She was the Nutritionist at the New York Stock Exchange from 2003-2007 and for 10 years served as the nutritionist to traders on Wall Street. Anyone who would like to discuss their weight loss goals with Lisa can schedule a free 30-minute weight loss consultation with her by clicking here. (Simply let Lisa know you found out about her on the Just Stop! blog.)
A Note from Gregg:
As some of you Just Stoppers might remember, I have been lucky enough to be a guest in nutrition rockstar Lisa Goldberg’s recent weight loss summits not once, but twice. I love Lisa’s total approach to wellness, which not only includes getting to a healthy weight, but also enjoying life and learning to love and appreciate yourself in the process. Lisa is about to begin her exclusive 6 month online group weight loss program (for the body, mind and soul) – during which you can discover how to break old habits and behavior patterns that keep you from losing weight once and for all.
Any Just Stopper who wants to find out more information (without any obligation), can click here to schedule a free 30-minute Discovery Session with Lisa herself to find out more about the upcoming 6 month online group weight loss program.
Photo Source: Simpatico
Old haunts, old pain, new dilemmas
As a grown adult who has not only survived child abuse, but thrived in spite of it, I never imagined I’d suddenly be dealing with the pain (and even shame) all over again at this stage of my adult life—especially since I spent a lot of time examining and processing the goings on and then even writing about them in my recent memoir.
So imagine my surprise when similar issues cropped up anew—in this case at the hands of my father—and I’ve found myself having to once again defend and explain my position to strangers, even though I (and my sister) are the ones who were abused for years and years.
People who’ve read my book often ask me what my father, who’s still alive, thinks of it, given that he’s not portrayed in a positive light (albeit a very truthful one). My answer is simple: My father, who is a textbook definition of a narcissist, hasn’t read my book. And he never will. This isn’t because he’s bitter. It’s simply because he’s just not interested in any subject (or tome) in which he’s not the central character.
Although initially blaming most of the horrors of my sister’s and my childhood on our mother (a textbook definition of a monster), with time and growth, we can now see that my mother was mentally ill (her claims to her second husband, who enabled her up to and even after her death, included that she was a French princess who escaped her country to escape tyranny and later adopted me from Iran and my sister from Germany). For the record, my mom was born and raised in Florida. Oh, and neither my sister nor I were adopted—despite everyone believing we were; and then thinking we were the pathological liars because we tried to convince them otherwise (even when we were young, school-aged children).
This hindsight about my mother is important because, in my humble opinion, it makes my father and my mother’s relatives more culpable for my mom’s sins against her children since they left us alone with her and never interceded—not even when her flights of delusion went public. Then and now, my father was only interested in serving his own interests.
I once joked to my sister, it’s amazing that she and I can tie our own shoe laces given some of the horrors we’ve lived through. Many of the events were so horrific that people think we’re exaggerating to this day. Thus, despite my recent book that shares my story, my sister and I don’t talk about our childhood often. And thankfully, there’s usually no need to. That was then—this is now. And through insight, self-love and inner strength, my sister and I are both not only able to tie our shoes, but are living very happy lives and even have very contented marriages (despite the suggested mold offered by our parents).
But recently, our father has once again put my sister and I in positions in which where we’ve been forced to explain to strangers why we aren’t closer to him and why we don’t have all the information they’re seeking. My father (still a narcissist and still stubborn) was in an accident (a result of his own ignorance) and ended up in a far away hospital, delirious. Out of the blue, we received phone calls from caseworkers (who had to initially hunt us down via internet), needing to know why my dad was in the circumstances he was (at the time of the accident) and why we weren’t able to answer more questions in regard to such and beyond (inquiries regarding his health, contact numbers, etc.).
After a couple phone calls with the hospital caseworkers (who I must admit were very understanding and nonjudgmental), I admitted to my sister that the pain, humiliation and shame of being an abused child had all come rushing back. There I was, on the phone with strangers, trying to get them to believe me when I explained why circumstances were what they were. These calls brought me right back to a time during my teen years—when I called the local police to report my mother’s abuse. Because most of what I was reporting wasn’t physical abuse, they didn’t take me seriously and never responded to my call for help.
Because of these recent incidences with my dad, my sister revealed that she was feeling the same kinds of things I was. And although we live in separate parts of the country, my sister and I were connected by an unspoken bond of emotional numbness for several days after.
I suppose that carrying the title of an adult survivor of child abuse never really goes away. There are always going to be circumstances that bring issues up—especially when the abusers have never admitted their wrongdoing or asked for forgiveness. This can apparently happen even after we have forgiven the offending parties in our own minds (and for our own benefit).
It wasn’t too long ago that my sister and I got word that our mother had passed away—long after her actual death. We hadn’t been notified at the time. We hadn’t been asked to attend the funeral. We hadn’t been considered at all. It became a little clearer why this was the case when we tracked down her obituary online, which stated that my sister and I were [still] “adopted” children. The real kicker to all this is that a few of my mom’s relatives—who know we are not adopted—not only attended the funeral, but also did not question why we hadn’t been invited to attend or even wonder aloud about the obituary full of untruths.
So it seems being a “survivor” of child abuse would be a verb rather than an adjective. And the biggest reminder my sister and I take away from these recent events involving our father is to never feel guilt or shame—not only when describing circumstances, but also (and especially) if people don’t understand or even think we might be being dishonest when talking to them about such.
No matter what any of us has survived in the past, the fact that we’re able to talk about it, find understanding in it—and eventually freedom from it—is worthy of a gold medal of courage. And it seems there will be times when, even after we’ve moved on, people who haven’t (perhaps even our abusers) will force us to once again get mired down in the process that requires us to extract ourselves from otherwise horrific situations (even if just memories from our past).
But just as it was during our healing periods in the past, the mental work—and belief in ourselves—is worth it.
Where will today take you?
No matter what the scale reflected (number-wise) this morning or how tight your clothes might feel today, you are kicking butt when it comes to reaching your goals. No need to beat yourself up if you recently experienced a slip, eating-wise. Or if you didn’t make it to the gym as often as you intended to last week. Today is a new day. And a new chance to reignite your momentum toward your goals.
Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, what hasn’t worked or why you feel “less than,” turn your thoughts to reasons you want to feel better, look better and be better. Imagine putting on a pair of jeans without worrying you’re going to cut off your circulation when you fasten them. Imagine enjoying a reasonable amount of food at a party without obsessing about eating before, during or after the occasion. Imagine walking past a mirror and not listing “10 things I hate about you.” Or imagine your doctor giving you news that your health is improving.
The more positive your mindset, the more reachable your goals become. Who cares if you’re on a bit of a slow boat? You’re on the boat. That’s what matters. Life is about the journey (as opposed to the destination) after all. So why not live life on the happy side today — reminding yourself that you’re well on your way to improving what’s already fantastic even in this moment: Amazing, beautiful, incredible YOU!
Thank you therapy
As dieters, we often get caught up in what we don’t have (a certain waist size, skinny jeans, self-acceptance – you name it). This is why the Thanksgiving season can be a good reminder to be thankful for what we do have.
In fact, more and more researchers are finding that “Thank You Therapy” (reminding ourselves of reasons to be grateful) can help increase our happiness quotient, our self esteem and out overall outlook on life.
It doesn’t take a self-help guru to realize that this kind of changed attitude will attract a lot more reasons to be thankful — not to mention likely bring more positive results to our weight loss and overall health efforts. Therefore, why not take a cue from this season of gratitude and begin a Thank You Journal?
Any blank notebook or pad of paper will do. Once a day, list 5 reasons you have to be happy. They can be small. They can be big. But list 5, every day (many people do this at night, just before bed).
I often make entries in my gratitude journal in the morning – after my morning workout, but before I begin my workday. Sometimes I’ll doodle in the journal. Sometimes I’ll write down an inspirational quote I don’t want to forget. And other times I’ll makes lists of reasons to be grateful. For myself, doing this in the morning certainly has a positive effect on the rest of my day – not to mention on my diet and healthy eating efforts. Try it yourself, every day for a month, and see how it affects your “attitude of gratitude” – and, perhaps, even your physical health.
Here’s more information that will make starting a gratitude journal easy:
For a quick primer on keeping a gratitude journal: Click Here
For 5 ways to amp up your attitude of gratitude: Click Here
To learn about more ways that gratitude affects your overall health: Click Here
By the way, I would love for you to add comments below, letting me know some of things you’re most grateful for this 2014 Thanksgiving season. And while we’re on the topic, please know I’m sincerely grateful to all of you for helping to inspire me – and this blog – on a daily basis.
Photo Source: ComicRelated.com
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