Posts Tagged ‘the today show’

May 21, 2012

Victim mentality

9:38 am - Posted by Gregg

Photo Source: ETOnline

If you ask me, Christie Brinkley has a lot to be happy about. Not only has she maintained a long career in the public eye (something most models – even of the “super” variety – aren’t always able to do), she is also currently touring the country, reprising her Broadway role of Roxie Hart in “Chicago: The Musical.”

And yet, like me, you might have caught her late March appearance on The Today Show, during which she sobbed and sobbed about how unfair her life is and basically communicated that she is a victim. In fact, she spent so much time crying during the appearance, that she had to be re-booked since she was there to talk about “Chicago: The Musical.” (In other words, the show ran out of time during the initial segment due to her breakdown.)

Once again, Ms. Brinkley’s very public “He said, She said” divorce was being played out in public — even though the divorce itself had happened years ago.

Recently interviewed by the LA Times to promote “Chicago: The Musical” playing in the Los Angeles area, Ms. Brinkley once again fell into “Victim mode” when asked about her Today Show appearance by refusing to own her own behavior and, instead, blaming the incident on Matt Lauer. She told the interviewer, “The one thing that happened to me was I got hoodwinked on the “Today” show [on March 27]. I’ve known Matt Lauer for 30 years. I never expected him to do that to me. I was completely shocked.”

And her interview became even more of a pity party from there, since Ms. Brinkley went onto say that, “Each question was so inflammatory that I needed to respond because I couldn’t let it lie there as fact. I still tried to answer my questions within the confines of the rules I’ve applied to myself as well as the rules I’ve agreed to in the stipulations. And you cannot find a comment in quotes from me with any name-calling. The only thing I ever said when I left my first trial – and I said it really as a public service – we had to go through a forensic psychiatric exam that was assigned by the court and I was deemed normal and he was deemed a narcissist.”

Once again, Ms. Brinkley has brought up her divorce and all the people who, in her version of things, are causing her to have to comment on her divorce and/or breakdown about it in public. In other words, it’s always someone else’s fault and never her own. Now, I don’t know Ms. Brinkley personally. But if I did, I would wrap my arm around her shoulder, buy her a frozen yogurt (with her choice of toppings) and gently but firmly tell her to “Get the heck over it.”

Victim mentality serves no one except the victim. Because if you think you’re a victim, then you are a victim. Those of you who are familiar with my upbringing know that I was raised by a very abusive mother who did some unthinkable (and what many consider to be even monstrous) things. But that was then, this is now.

If I kept replaying all of the horrors that I had to deal with as a child, I would weigh 900 pounds and be living in a box (a big box, mind you) on some remote highway, under a bridge. Instead, at a certain point, I just accepted the cards (and parents) that I’d been dealt and decided I wasn’t going to blame anyone or anything (anymore) for my present day situations. And the day I took my focus off the past and stopped portraying myself as a victim, I no longer was one. Life started revealing all of the amazing gifts (along with some amazing challenges) that it had in store for me. And since I was no longer facing life situations (be they good or bad) with a victim mentality, life got very, very good (in general).

When I see people in Ms. Brinkley’s situation, I am reminded that hers is a mental state I never want to revisit – even when or if I’m in the midst of a very challenging circumstance. We never have to be the victim. When we make ourselves the victim, we can’t see the forest for the trees – to say nothing of seeing potential solutions, fixes and avenues for potentially transforming circumstances that we might want to change. Ms. Brinkley needs to realize that the only person “making” her cry is herself. Not her ex-husband. Not Matt Lauer. And certainly not me for calling her (and the rest of us) to task on this.

Let’s all check our victim mentality at the door and move into the next moments of life with curiosity, joy and gratitude. I promise you the world will open up. And anything you want to accomplish (whether weight loss related or otherwise) will suddenly be possible. One step – and one grateful smile – at a time.

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9:38 am - Posted by Gregg

Nutritionist Joy Bauer recently invited 3 of her all-time weight-loss superstars onto The Today Show to celebrate the release of her new book, The Joy Fit Club: Cookbook, Diet Plan and Inspiration. I happen to be featured in the book — along with many other successful dieters who have appeared on The Today Show as part of the Joy Fit Club, which includes “real life” people who have each lost over 100 pounds or more (all without fads, gimmicks or surgery).

Along with motivational and inspirational stories from many Joy Fit Club members, this new book also features recipes from the successful dieters featured in the book, as well as recipes, tips and menu plans from Ms. Bauer, herself. (And no, this is not a paid endorsement — none of us Joy Fit Club members who participated in the book received any compensation and instead contributed our stories a in hopes of inspiring others who may be facing the battle of the bulge.)

Although each of us featured in the book embarked on our own individual journeys to lose the weight and keep it off, there are a few common threads that each of us share. We all had issues with our weight, we all dieted, we all embraced exercise programs and each of us also tackled our lifestyles by making significant changes in the way we live our lives on a daily basis.

Ms. Bauer, who has been a longtime champion of successful dieters, points out that dieting and losing weight is 50% attitude. And thus, she suggests a couple essential (and common) steps for anyone who wants to win at the losing game:

1) Find A Meaningful Reason To Lose The Weight
Ms. Bauer points out that this usually entails an “A-ha!” moment. She notes that most of her Joy Fit Club members had a health scare or wanted to be around for kids or grandkids — or they just finally wanted to feel more comfortable in their own skin. But whatever the reason, there was a reason. So it’s a matter with getting in touch with what might motivate you, individually.

2) Set Up A Tracking System
“There’s nothing more encouraging that watching a downward trend,” reports Ms. Bauer. She suggests setting up a computer spreadsheet or grafting your own chart on paper in order to chart your pounds-lost progress. She also advocates the use of a flexible tape measure to record the inches lost — along with keeping a record of your food, as you’re more likely to be accountable for what you eat when documenting everything on paper.

3) Make Short-Term Goals and Forgive Slip-Ups
Ms. Bauer reminds everyone she counsels that no one gains weight from a few slices of pizza or one single meal of pasta or a similarly rich food. She notes that it’s important to prevent a temporary setback from turning into an all-out binge. Instead, Ms. Bauer suggests shaking off the eating slip-up and immediately getting back on track, noting that when people forgive themselves for the slip-ups they’re not only going to finally lose their excess weight, they’re going to keep it off.

While recently appearing on The Today Show to help promote Ms. Bauer’s new book, all three of us featured “Weight-Loss Superstars” shared our own ideas for successfully losing weight and keeping it off.

Rosie Coates (who lost 107 pounds) confessed that she’d tried to diet for 18 years before she finally “got” it and lost the weight. She encourages any dieter who has tried and failed to try again. The next time just might be the time.

Jamie Francisco (who lost 105 pounds) was asked about keeping the weight off and noted that it was more difficult than actively losing the weight in the first place. Ms. Francisco said that she lost the weight by gradually removing different foods and ramping up the exercise.

As for myself (who has lost 275 pounds), I shared that you can’t lose sight of keeping off the weight and that it’s something you must think about every day. I also noted that the minute you embrace the work involved, it starts to work for you. There’s nothing wrong with being committed. No, you can’t let your guard down, but the end results are worth it.

What are your “Common Thread Tips” that you’ve achieved success with? I’d love for you to share them in comments below. Or even share some of the challenges you’re facing that might be keeping you from achieving your weight-loss goal. After all, we’re all in this together. And I know for a fact that there’s a ‘weight-loss superstar’ waiting to be discovered in you.

And for anyone who might have missed the recent show, or would like to see it again, here you go:

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